it's virtually a tour

Here are pictures of the house as posted by the selling agent for the virtual tour. I smartly forgot my camera on settlement. And then I trusted my mom* and her camera on move-in day #1. So, these are the closest to true "Before" pictures you're gonna get. This hurts me more than it hurts you.

DOWNSTAIRS:

This is the room you enter into. Welcome home!!! Oh, and that smaller window? Only 1/2 there. Linoleum floor with some industrial carpet remnant. Drop ceiling. Paneling. From that upper left corner, there's a doorway into a dark & dingy kitchenette. With old appliances, a broken egg in the fridge, and a cherub border. For some reason, I did not document this. Shut up. Behind this photo's vantage point are two bedrooms, a utility room, and a bathroom... read on to see more!

Front downstairs bedroom. 1/2 Wallpaper... with border. Drop ceiling. Linoleum floor.

Back downstairs bedroom. More of the same. PLUS dark blue trim and doors! And part of the ceiling (where the air duct ran) is dark blue too!


UPSTAIRS:

I forgot about the louver door.... complete with hook-lock used to separate the two levels into separate living spaces. This is the living room. I know, I have to explain these things.

Dining Room. Which, as you can see, is the logical place to stick a refrigerator. Also, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND LAYS FREAKIN STICK-ON TILES OVER 50 YEAR OLD HARD WOOD?!??!? My heart can't take this.

Sadly, this kitchen was a big-time selling point. Much bigger & better design than many other houses I viewed (which were typical of 1950s building.) I would like to point out that there is a gas stovetop built into the left-hand side counter. This isn't hooked up, but I am not letting that stop me! (Rant #2: Who's genius idea was it to buy & hook up an electric flat-top range and leave the gas stove as decoration??) The dishwasher didn't work. But it came with 2 plates and a bowl, so I'm callin' it even.

This is the front bedroom upstairs. It was painted a weird mauve-taupe color*. With kid sponges (?) glued to the walls. Those were fun.

*You'll have to take my word for this... and crucify someone else for the shoddy lighting.

My Room!! Isn't it beautiful? With one of the worst sponge jobs I have ever seen.... and guess what? It was done in high gloss. If you don't know what that means, it translates into "hell to re-paint" because new paint won't stick to it well. This room has two closets,* which meant I was aaaalllllll over it! And, the icing on the cake that sealed the deal? Two dead birds trapped in the window above the AC unit.

*More on the closets to come! Excitement! Can you stand it??!


There you have it. This is how you advertise and sell a house. Gross, dirty, house in disrepair? Check. Sucker buyer? Check check. Settlement? No? How bout 30 days after planned? TRIPLE CHECK!!! Now for the fun & renovations.........